Posted 10 hours ago

As of today, this is my 79th page of my post portfolio review sketchbook(counting the front and back of the pages with drawings). It’s not even August yet and I’m only a page away from hitting my goal amount with only 22 days left until the whole sketchbook is due.

The minimum number of sketchbook pages I need to complete in order to be admitted into the actual program is 80(assuming all my pages are dated, which they are). Will I be stopping once I reach that bare minimum? Of course not. When you want to excel at something, you have to keep on going, even if it kills you. It’s going to be a royal pain in the ass just to go back and fix older pages as well as finish up the remaining pages, but I worked this hard to get here. I may as well keep on going whether this sketchbook passes or not(they won’t evaluate it the same way as my portfolio though). #spring14sketchbookreview #thelightattheendofthetunnel #painistemporarysuccessisforever #thebenefitsoffirstquarterliving

Posted 1 day ago

This is literally how many pages I have left to finish for my post-portfolio review sketchbook… and August is coming up(yuck!). That home stretch is getting closer and closer. #onestepcloser #bfaclassof2017 #thehomestretch

Posted 1 day ago

And with that comment, my last ounce of faith in men is gone. I can’t stand people who use other people’s insecurities as a way to have control #iamgodsgifttomenactually #ragequit #overit #whatajerk

Posted 2 days ago

This turned out pretty decent. Just one more pass… #summersketchbook #spring14sketchbookreview (at SJSU Art Building)

Posted 4 days ago
Posted 4 days ago
If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve to never ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side.
It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it’s one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you’ll ever do.
Stephen Fry (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
Posted 5 days ago

#thingsidrawwheniamdrunk #summersketchbook #spring14sketchbookreview

Posted 5 days ago

Female Game Developers Can't Even Submit A Game To Greenlight Without Receiving Harassment - Indie Statik

Words cannot even describe how bad this shit pisses me off.

I went to her panel at GDC this year. The whole purpose of Depression Quest was to share a combination of her personal experience and her developers’ experiences with depression with other players. It was intended to be a personal game that lets people see what it’s like to be in the mind of someone who has depression and the whole treatment process. I have mad respect for her for being able to put something so personal to her out there. I was hoping to even try out the game during Spring Break when I had the time, but I got too busy.

To see the amount of shit that people are giving her for being a female game developer is upsetting. This stuff is not easy to put out there in the world and all these 4chan people can think about is the fact that women should not be depressed because they can cure it with lots of sex.

Image reads: “All females are sluts and have no right to be depressed. They can just go out onto the street, lie down with their hole open and have any man come and solve all their problems. But they would still be depressed because they’re all stupid whores.”

Umm… EXCUSE ME?!?!?!? Just because I am female does not mean I cannot be depressed. As a woman who has been involved with casual sex, I am just going to straight up say that no matter how much sex you have, how many people you engage it with, it doesn’t do anything to solve all the other shit that’s going on in your life. It’s nothing short of a distraction from all the other noise that bothers you. Sex does not work the same way for a woman as it does for a man. MOST women get attached, and guys are either butthurt because they just want to hit it and quit it or because they’re the same ones who aren’t getting any. This type of disregard for women is what makes women more likely to become depressed, but that is not the sole reason for depression. There are a lot of other factors that contribute to depression, which I cannot really mention since I don’t quite understand how it works myself. I do know what it feels like to go through depression, but my experience will be different from everyone else’s, and that’s something Zoe portrays in her game, which is her experience of depression.

This game was written more with the intent of expression and educating an audience about depression than it was for being a complex puzzle-solving mystery. This was made with the intent of being an art form, but I don’t expect 4channers to have any appreciation for art.

FYI - I had a chance to try out the game this summer and even though it’s not the typical puzzle/adventure/RPG game, it still took a lot of thought to write this game, because you have so many scenarios that can turn out in so many different ways. I can’t say my experience with depression is anything like what’s in the game, but there are parts in the character’s own life that I identify with.

The ignorance of 4channers is just crazy sometimes… This is the type of bullshit logic that sometimes make me feel ashamed that I ever associated myself with the anime/internet community.

I can’t even believe I just wasted an hour of my life on this bullshit…

Posted 5 days ago

I miss you…

I don’t know if you still view my tumblr from time to time, but I hope that you’re doing well. It’s been a while since I gave you my URL…

I still remember when we went to last year’s J-Pop Summit. I don’t know if I told you this, but it really meant a lot to me that you went out of your way to drive me all the way to SF and show me something I had never seen before; an anime community that extended beyond Fanime. I knew that there were more festivals and cons outside of SJ, but this was the first anime event I had attended outside of Fanime, and it really meant a lot that I got to enjoy it with someone special. That was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me, and I was touched by it.

But I wonder… if I hadn’t went with you to JPop Summit that year, would those feelings have been as strong as they were? Or would they have died off more quickly?

All I can remember was that I was trying not to let you see how I felt about you, because you had made it clear to me that you were not ready for a relationship and that you didn’t know what you wanted at the time, so you had to be careful about misconstruing anything as romantic. It was hard for me, because by then, the feelings had already been created before anything had happened. I tried to stop talking to you for a while, because I thought if I avoided you enough, the feelings would go away and I could move on.

But they didn’t… and I felt that if I had told you about it, not only would you have been disappointed in me, but you may have stopped talking to me like everyone else does.

I waited until it was too late to tell you how I really felt. I waited until you had already moved on to someone else. I was so afraid of reliving my past that I couldn’t trust myself enough to be with someone else without wondering if they would make me feel the way he made me felt. Sad to say, I was wrong and I really fucked up with this one. I deserved it for not being honest at the very beginning.

I don’t know what to say at this point. I don’t know what to do anymore… I just can’t see myself falling in love anymore. I’m just done with people walking away from me as soon as someone better comes in their life. I’m just done with letting the wrong people in my life.

I’m tired of being number 2.

Posted 5 days ago

I really needed this.